May 10th was Mother’s Day. For many mothers, it is an exciting time of celebration and acknowledgement of the hard work and dedication they have committed to their children. It is also a beautiful opportunity for others to celebrate individuals who have mothered them even if they are not their biological or adopted mother. There is nothing more gratifying than to be appreciated for the sacrifices one has made for others.
This is also a day where many mothers do not receive the love and gratitude they deserve. Many mothers experience the heartache of being estranged from their children. Many mothers mourn the loss of a baby in ways ranging from before birth, rejection of an adoption, or even physical death. It is usually Mother’s Day and the day after that these women experience the pain of loss and grief that comes around regularly every year.
Many have no control of how they found themselves in these situations. Others will never get a chance to confront the sense of abandonment they experience.
Here are some recommendations for those who struggle with loss of this manner:
- Love on yourself. Be sure to find ways to celebrate with others and tell your story instead of ignoring it. The more you ignore your feelings the harder it will be to reconcile to the loss.
- Allow others to be kind to you. It can be difficult to let others in. It is necessary to take in the good of others and let go of the negative emotions. I call this emotional detox.
- Give yourself permission to grieve. Many people will tell a grieving. mother that she can have another baby. I have heard folks say, “oh you can always try adoption again,” or “Once your child comes to his/her senses then everything will be ok.” Do not wait for someone or something else to come along in order for you to begin the grieving process.
- Make memories that allow hard times to feel less heavy. It is not to take away the hurtful memories, it is to add less energy to how you see the loss. It is to continue to celebrate life in the midst of pain.
We all deserve to live life to the fullest. We would not know joy if we didn’t confront the pain points in our lives. Take hold of what you can change and leave the rest up to God. Be Blessed.